Thursday, August 9, 2007

Re: In the Name of Religion

maryam

*This originally started as a response to Mariam's post below but when i reached a page I decided that I should continue as a post even though I'm not in the Middle East at the present moment*

Mariam I read your post after a very long day of RA (resident advisor) training here in Chapel Hill. I'm tired from only four hours of sleep but with loads of still unfinished work on how to make sure my residents feel a sense of community.

and I'm crying.

It isn't sadness or even joy. Neither frustration nor anger.

It is catharsis.

Out of a staff of around 215 students who are resident advisers, only 4 are Muslim. This number itself seems large to me. But out of these 4 Muslims (all of them are my friends) I am the only one that is colorfully visibly Muslim when looking down at the packed auditorium. Those who know me know it helps that I'm also very loud and opinionated. :)

I sit in that auditorium happy about my hiring. I feel like a breakthrough has been made (though I don't know how accurate that is) for Muslim activism on Campus, or more bluntly, in regular life.

Everyday though I tire more and more from my battle to prove myself. All because of my hijab.

I feel the need to prove that I am not a stereotypical hijab wearing woman. I feel the need to completely break that stereotype. I am no longer only Maryam. I am now The Muslim Woman.

I am loud to prove that we are not quiet.

I am a leader to prove that we are not subservient.

I am smart to prove that we are not uneducated.

I am wise to prove that we are not ignorant.

And while I am proud that I can prove these things to the world, it is not why I wore the scarf.

I started wearing a scarf when I was 8 and by the time I was 10, I was abiding by hijab. It may seem extreme I know but it was completely by choice. My dad even tried to talk me out of it.
See my childhood was not ideal. It was hard. It was hurtful. It was lonely. It was sad. But through that, the innocence of my childhood shined. Accepting pain and hurt I connected to joy and happiness through God. He was the bigger picture. He was the one who would prove to me in the end that my suffering would not be in vain. He loved me, this caring God, loved me more than I could imagine all the people in my life put together. In my child's mind, the hijab felt like a big, warm, and loving hug from God. He felt like a father to me. A second parent.

So I would do anything for the only love I felt I had. To me it was worth the deepest sacrifices.

But all I had to do was abide by hijab. A partition.

That’s it? I thought. All this love from God and all I have to do is abide by a few simple rules?

You see, my upbringing made me realize from a very early age the scarcity but extreme importance of love.

And I accepted the hijab with a full, open, loving heart.

From that moment as a child to this very day my philosophy in life has always been one of self-responsibility.

It is not what life brings to you, but what you bring to life.

Each and every day I continue in this quest to discover what I can bring to life.

And if through the hijab I can break down of stereotypes to these 215 Resident Advisers this week then maybe I will have brought something to life.

But I need to remember why I first wore it.

Remember the eternal love that I can never lose.

Remember my gratefulness for this love.

Remember God.

9 comments:

Marium said...

its a battle really..trying to figure out life with the hijab and without it.

you have my utmost respect.

maryam said...

i love you marium.

Anonymous said...

http://yasukocardenablogonline.blogbaker.com/2013/01/17/weight-loss---it-doesnt-have-to-be-difficult-4-easy-steps-to-follow Identifying the thin lineAlthough the terms diet and nutrition have different definitions, they are greatly connected to each other. When defined, diet refers to the food and liquid intake of a person while nutrition pertains to the science of dealing with food and nourishment. Sometimes, many people get confused with the meanings of the two because they automatically assume that less"through diet"will not affect their healths overall condition. [url=http://ashlywebmem.beeplog.com]pure green coffee bean extract 800 mg[/url] Vanderbilt University has the right idea with their Health PLUS program which they offer their employees all year long. Their annual calendar includes aerobic challenges, weight management workshops, classes and intramural sporting teams. On Wednesday, they are providing several options for their employees to celebrate the holiday including Yoga on the Balcony and peer challenges. http://piechockionlineblog.sosblogs.com/The-first-blog-b1/Medifast-Diet-Program-Does-it-Work-b1-p3.htm

Anonymous said...

just stopping by to say hey

Anonymous said...

These are genuinely enormous ideas in on the topic of blogging.

You have touched some nice things here. Any way keep up wrinting.



Feel free to surf to my web site http://essweb.com/

Anonymous said...

I have read so many content regarding the blogger lovers
but this paragraph is in fact a good piece of writing, keep it up.



Also visit my site - akribos watches

Anonymous said...

Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely believe that this website needs
a great deal more attention. I'll probably be back again to see more, thanks for the advice!

Here is my weblog akribos for women

Anonymous said...

I could not resist commenting. Perfectly written!


my web blog; e cig

Anonymous said...

This paragraph is genuinely a good one it helps new the web people, who are
wishing in favor of blogging.

Feel free to surf to my blog post :: nikotin